When class finished on Tuesday, I walked out with Brett, a friend of mine, and we discussed our plans for the upcoming evening. She was contemplating going to IKEA, and I said "Yea! Yippee! I want, I want!" Actually now that I look back on it, my reaction was very similar to a second grader who's just been told she's going to the candy store, I think. We both needed the trip, because we both are in the process of moving into our respective apartments off campus, and we need various domicile furnishings.

Of course, being the brooooooke college student I am, I was planning to window-shop, and make notes for myself to return to when not strapped for cash. Brett and I met up again that evening, and left for IKEA at 6:30 pm. We set off on West Virginia Ave, which borders Gallaudet, and soon found ourselves on 50 East. We were chatting it up when we realized that we missed our exit, and being the typical chatters we are, we proceeded to miss some more exits that would have probably landed us in IKEAland. Pretty soon it was getting dark, and we figured out that we were seriously in need of gas, and that we needed to take an exit, any exit that would lead us to a gas station. We ended up at Arundel Mills. For those who know the DC area well, you know that was pretty far up north, not that far from Baltimore (which is maybe a hour's drive to DC). IKEA is in College Park, Maryland, so uh, we were pretty far off.

Once at the gas station, you know what Brett realizes? That she only brought her checkbook. Apparently, at home, she made this split-second decision NOT to bring her wallet, because... because... I don't know why. But the thing is, the 68-year old cashiers at the gas station give Brett a dirty look when she whips out her checkbook, and don't give her a pen. So, Brett makes "upper eye contact," being the short person she is, and stoutly asks about the possibility of them accepting checks for her gas. Of course, the cashiers have already expressed their disdain for Brett's blue checkbook through their sneering faces, but they verbally confirm Brett's worst fears by completely slamming her against the wall and sayin', "we don't take checks, you hear?" And Brett and I slink away, muttering at the injustice of the whole situation. I offer to cover the gas with the measly amount of money I had, $20 (from a freshman, a cousin of my friend, who bought my 'fridge), but she declined my offer. We boarded the car again and then headed off to Petsmart.

She had this great idea about getting a store to cash out one of her checks. The pet-goods emporium was just down the street. Why not? While they had a litter of incredibly tiny kittens up for adoption, and we both ooh-ed and ahh-ed our way past them, Petsmart is not a store that cashes out checks. We found that out on Tuesday. Nor Staples. Nor Michael's. Apparently, a store with an invasive policy I strongly disagree with because it robs millions of Americans of their hard-earned cash and strong-arms small town Americana mom-n-pop businesses into closing their doors after 45 years of hard service to the community, cashes checks.

This store is no other than Wal-Mart. I strongly disagree with the ethical and business practices of Wal-Mart, and I told Brett so, but the cash-out thing won. Of course, she had to purchase an item to be able to cash a check, so she found this 93 cent doggie toy that would probably last about three minutes between her dogs. I shook my head in shame in being inside such an institution, but thanked the cashier for giving us $20. Upon our exit from the store, we stopped to talk with this guy who was smoking a Marlboro Light, and had a nametag with "DAVE" slapped on it. After he gave us very confusing directions back to College Park (I'm pretty sure more than one street he mentioned to us was non-existent), we drove back across the street to the gas station and Brett triumphantly gave them the green. Along with the receipt, the two sneering cashiers also provided correct directions to College Park.

Once we were on the road again, we found the correct exit and ended up on IKEA Way at 8:17 pm. We parked the car and rushed to the entrance, knowing that the store closed at 9 pm. As we approached, I looked up...

*suspense increases to a crescendo*

and lo and behold, there was a big banner tied to the white railings to the left of the sliding glass doors. It instantly felt like I switched down to *slow motion mode*. I remember that the banner distinctly said, "MIDNIGHT MADNESS! TUESDAY, AUGUST 30! 9 PM TO 12 AM!"

A boring ad. But such an exciting store! The concept of what the banner was all about didn't dawn to me until I double-checked to make sure it was August, and not September, and sure enough, it was! I excitedly babbled to Brett, "Look, look!" Brett was wearing some clothes that really could pass for pajamas, so we'd be able to score free breakfast. We went in, perused the showroom for hours, and came back out at 11:15 pm.

In those hours at IKEA, we saw a great variety of household furnishings. Design is key at this store, and that concept is in keeping with Feng Shui. The chi energy in the store was too jazzed for my taste, because my eyes kept drifting from one piece to another piece without respite. This is not what you want in your dorm room. The key at IKEA is how to be selective. You need to know balance. A small red vase can light a whole room up with fire energy, but don't overdo it. Brett went home with a whole bunch of ideas as to how she could free up her space, and I went home with a $45 futon mattress that was originally $189. An insider tip- check out the "As Is" section. It's usually full of slightly damaged stuff that isn't really that bad at all, and you're gonna damage it through your years in college anyway, if your roomie doesn't first.

So, with the idea of "selective" Feng Shui at IKEA, you can do pretty much anything. Here are some examples:

Decorative sphere, MÄKTA, around $4.99 for a sphere. Okay, so this isn't quite practical, but it looks dandy on your desk, and the colors are enticing enough to provide you with a quick respite from all your homework flurries.

Mobile, GLAMORÖS, $14.99 You can hang this on the ceiling over the head of your bed, so it swirls around in space as you sleep. The thing about mobiles in dorms here is that it is easier to hang mobiles from the ceiling tiles in Clerc than it is pretty much anywhere else on campus. But don't let that stop you. Thumbtacks will do the trick.

Plants, FLORA, various prices. Every room should have a plant. At least one. Not that this is a biology lesson, but plants introduce much-needed oxygen to your room, and make it look 'purty.' Two is preferred, but remember to have someone take care of your flora during Thanksgiving, Winter and Spring Break (especially Winter Break!).

Chair, EMMABO, $19.99 ea. This chair is hard, but looks cool. Just throw a few cushions on it and you'll probably feel right at home lounging in your room.

Doormat, BARRIT, 99 cents each. Okay, so this isn't anything special, but it's 99 cents and keeps you from tracking various bits of dirt into your room. You can't beat 99 cents, really.

Side table/TV bench, ILEN, $34.99. This piece of furniture doubles as just something cool to look at and something that you can put your TV on top of, if the top of your dresser is already occupied by various bric a brac or your microwave. Come to think of it, your microwave would look spiffy on top of this, too.

And finally, before you leave, get something for your bare walls!

Picture, SMARR, $4.99. Okay, so they have a lot of other pictures you could choose from, but this one is a good example. Rrrr. Don't buy the framed art yet though, because nails in dorm walls are a no-no, but sniff around for a cool poster that appeals to you.

That concludes our mini IKEA shopping excursion. The next time I see you, it's probably gonna be at IKEA!