gBlog - How we see it …

In my last blog, I left you saying that God had different plans for me than what I was expecting. I thought I would graduate with my A.A.S. in December of 2007 and attend Gallaudet in the Spring of 2008. However, by God’s wonderful plan and design, my plans changed.

It was the spring of 2007, only one week before classes began. I was at church talking to the department chair of the sign language interpreting program at TJC, Dr. JB, about the upcoming semester. She suddenly, out of the blue, suggested that if I did practicum this semester, then, in the spring, then I could graduate this May. For some reason, that actually sounded like a good idea.

Now, I had know for over a year when I would do practicum and when I would graduate from TJC. I had everything planned out. I had decided to do practicum in the fall of ‘07 and graduate in December. I was surprised that I was even CONSIDERING what Dr. JB was saying. Completely change the plans I had for over a year and only one week before school? That would be crazy, right? However, because of the WAY she said it, it held a sort of ring to it and I actually told her I would think about it. Well, I did think about it….for a day and a half. She talked to me on Sunday, one week before school started; I decided on Monday to go ahead and graduate in May and possibly attend Gally in the fall.

To be able to graduate in May, I would have to take practicum while holding down three jobs and along with four other classes (which was against everything Dr. JB and the other teachers and interpreters suggested on normal occasion. They always encouraged us to take practicum separately without any other classes). The only reason I was even considering adding another class to my already full schedule (I had already enrolled in Interpreting 3, Sign to Voice, Intro to Psychology, Speech, and was auditing ASL 4 because I loved the class so much) was because I thought I might have the possibility of applying at Gallaudet.

So that Monday, I checked Gallaudet’s website for the deadline for their applications–one week to the day. It was due the day before school on Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday. I still felt pretty confident and daring, so I printed off the application and promised myself that if I finished it before the deadline, I would take practicum in the spring and go to Gally in the fall.

To my surprise, I had the application and all the other forms filled out by Wednesday. However, I noticed that I had to write three (3) entrance exam essays. Now, that would be a feat in and of itself (I used to take at least five to seven days to write ONE essay). But, I stayed optimistic and didn’t pressure myself, promising that if I could write three essays in three days, I would enroll in practicum and apply to Gally. I wrote and wrote and wrote for three straight days. I finished the essays to my utter amazement (there’s no way I could have done that on my own; God must’ve done something). I let my mom look over them for any mistakes I may have made. I asked her for her honest opinion of the essays, and she told me that those three papers were the worst I had ever written. I heartily agreed with her. But they were written, and I kept my promise to continue the application process.

I noticed that the application required that I have two people recommend me to Gallaudet. It was Friday morning, 72 hours before the deadline, and I had nothing. I also only had about one hour before I needed to go to work. For the first recommendation, I hurridly drove to TJC and spoke to Dr. JB. She graciously filled out the form and opened the Practicum class for me so that I could enroll.

After enrolling in the class, I went to work, arriving a little late, and called Mrs. Barnett, my ASL teacher, using the 711 relay system. That was interesting. It was my first time to talk to someone who was using a TTY. The only thing that was a little strange about it was hearing myself say “go ahead” a dozen times. It was also a funny experience, too. The relay interpreter was a man. However, when he realized I was talking to a woman, he changed his voice to sound more feminine. I tried hard not to laugh; I knew the guy was doing his best. By the end of our conversation, she happily agreed to fill out a recommendation for me.

So the next day, on Saturday, I went to Mrs. Barnett’s house for her to fill out the form. The Barnetts were so excited that I wanted to go to Gallaudet. Their love for their Alma Matter definately played a huge role in inspiring me to go to Gallaudet. While Mrs. Barnett filled out the recommendation, Mr. Barnett showed me his yearbooks from Gallaudet when he had graduated in 1964 (I think that is right). That was so neat. We visited for a few minutes and then I went back home to put everything together, tweak my papers a little, and send everything off that weekend.

With my application on its way to Gally, I just waited–untill January 30th. I got an email from Gallaudet. They invited me to go to D.C. for an interview! I was so excited! I figured that had to be a God thing because of my awful essays and the fact that only 5% of the student body at Gallaudet could be hearing. Despite all this, they still wanted me to go, so my next steps were the interview and ASLPI (American Sign Language Proficiency Interview).

I replied back to the school, telling them that I accepted their invitation, and they emailed me back soon thereafter to tell me that the interviews would be in late March. That was a relief for me because it gave me time to prepare. However, after some mixups, Gally emailed me again, and instead of a March date, scheduled my interviews for February 21st on a Wednesday–exactly two weeks away to the day.

I told all my teachers and friends about the interviews. They were all excited and encouraged me. However, I was completely freaked out. Well, it wasn’t THAT bad, but I was nervous. I felt honored to have the opportunity to go to Gallaudet University–even for a mere interview.

The saga does not end here–it continues–but that’s another story for another time.

School had already started for the fall semester. It was September of 2006 and I was excited about the many new beginnings in my life. My family had a challenging spring and summer that year, and I was ready to embrace the coming changes in my life just like the leaves on the towering trees, which were embracing changes as well with fall fast approaching.

My friend, Jex, texted me one Sunday afternoon after church to invite me to a birthday party, which he was hosting for a friend at his apartment. I have to admit, I felt a little apprehensive at first and discussed the issue with my parents. I wanted to go, don’t get me wrong. My friends, Day Day and Kula, were going to be present. In addition, I somewhat knew the birthday girl, AB, from school, so I knew the company would be great. However, replying positively to Jex’s invitation required a lot more gumption than saying, “yes” to carpooling with him. I had never been to a friend’s apartment before, let alone a guy’s, and this made me even more nervous than my first car ride with Jex, who also happened to be the first guy I rode with alone. In the end, I pushed my fears away long enough for me to text him back with a simple “I’d love to.”

Jex told me the party began at 4:00 and he gave me directions to his apartment but soon gave up and told me to meet at the Andy’s Ice Cream place instead so that I could folow him there. By the time we reached his apartment, it was around 4:15 or 4:30, and I felt bad for being so late. I thought maybe the other party-goers were already there at Jex’s door waiting. Since I am a hearing person, I never completely understood the meaning of “Deaf Time” until this moment. To my surprise, there wasn’t an angry mob waiting outside his door like I had imagined. Everyone was running on Deaf Time, meaning everyone was running fasionably late to the party.

I was okay with this until I actually had to go IN Jex’s apartment. I almost freaked out and ran the other way when he opened the door for me, but I swallowed hard and tried to think of all my hearing friends who went to each other’s apartments countless times and nothing bad ever happened to them. My heart had to have been pumping a million beats a minute, but it probably wasn’t since that is impossible. With a deep breath, I stepped over the threshold knowing that this would either be the beginning of a new life or the end of my life as I knew it.

I was holding a couple of plastic Wal-Mart bags in my hands, each with two soft drinks inside. I followed Jex to his kitchen and helped put the drinks in the refrigerator. Afterwards, Jex motioned for me to go in his room to see what he had bought AB for her birthday. I tried to convince myself that everything was okay and nothing was going to happen, but even though I had spent a lot of time with Jex, going out to eat and hanging out at school, I still did not really know him yet. He was a new friend, and I will tell you that making new friends and getting to a point where I trust them is difficult for me. I am one of those introverted people who takes a while to develop friendships.

At any rate, I walked timidly in his room to where he had his gifts all laid out across his bed. He had bought AB some nice presents and it perplexed me why he spent so much money on a gift for a friend. My hearing friends, and me included, did not spend vast amounts of money on each other. Our gifts were always simple expressions of our friendship. This was yet another part of Deaf Culture that I did not grasp until later that night.

Deaf always take care of each other, support each other, and help each other. If someone has something to offer that another Deaf individual doesn’t have (such as money, a car, etc.), then they willingly donate whatever resources they have to serve other Deaf. That is what Jex was doing. AB didn’t have a lot of money to spend on frivolous things. She had two children whom she adored but had no way of preserving the memories of their growing up years. So what did Jex buy for her? A digital camera and all the extras so that she could take pictures of her kids. I was amazed at this part of Deaf culture. I wish it were more a part of hearing culture, too. As the night went on, I began to see more examples, especially between Day Day and Jex, of how they shared whatever they had with each other and other people as well.

Coming back to the story, I was still alone with Jex and everyone else had yet to show up. Every moment that passed increased my anxiety all the more. I’ll have to ask Jex one day if I looked as scared as I felt because I think that he could sense how nervous I was. To pass the time while we waited for the others to come, Jex suggested we play video games on his PS2. I agreed but warned him that I wasn’t skilled whatsoever. It was fun, and I even won a few games just by pressing random buttons, which held no meaning for me. I was still nervous though, don’t ask me why because I don’t know.

Day Day finally paged Jex and told him that they would arrive shortly and explained why they were running late. Jex then relayed the message to me, saying that Day Day had to pick AB up in another city about an hour away and that’s why they were running late. This made me feel somewhat better knowing that everyone would soon arrive.

After a few more minutes, Day Day, Kula, and AB came walking through the door. I was relieved. We all visited while Jex put some pizzas from Pappa John’s in the oven to bake. As the aroma filled the room, AB opened her birthday presents. She was ecstatic about the camera Jex had bought her. I think Jex was just as excited about giving the present as she was receiving it.

Jex was a great host, as are most Deaf, I have found. They are always quick to make sure their guests are comfortable and have something to drink as soon as they walk in the door. Food is always provided. When the pizzas were ready, we all crowded around Jex’s small dinning room table to eat. I ate my pizza plain and most of my friends drizzed (and at times poured) ranch dressing on theirs. We continued visiting, mouths full. Day Day was quick to move the two liter soft drinks off the table. I asked him why he didn’t leave them there and he replied that he had moved them so that we could see each other more clearly (I tell you, my Deaf friends were SO patient with me, lol. I appreciate that more than they know).

The chatter continued, and, for the most part, I had no idea what they were talking about. I would laugh when they laughed and look solemn when they were serious. I think I bluffed my way through quite poorly. When I could understand a discussion, I would get involved and I would enjoy it, but if I didn’t understand, I expended all my brain power and energy to try to figure out what they were talking about. They were sweet though. They didn’t always leave me in the dark. Lol. Most of the time, AB would slow down and voice what the conversation was about or Jex and Day Day would restate things for me. At the time, I couldn’t understand Kula hardly at all. I think that was because I took so long to learn someone’s signing “accent” and I hadn’t known Kula for very long.

After dinner, it was time for birthday “cake.” Actually, AB wanted something other than cake, so we had some sort of bannana pie, I think. Jex brought it out and set it on the table with a candle in the middle. While he and Day Day were trying to light it, I wondered if Deaf “sing” “Happy Birthday.” I couldn’t see any reason why, but I just waited to find out. The candle lit, we all told AB “happy birthday” and she blew the candle out. Yep, just as I thought–no “Happy Birthday” song. It was just as well. I probably wouldn’t have known how to sign the song if it WERE a part of Deaf culture.

Eventually, we moved ourselves and our conversations to the living room. Two more guys showed up and grabbed some cold pizza and joined us. I had had never seen the new guys before. After we were introduced, Jex got up and motioned me into the kitchen (here’s another example of Deaf culture: you have to sometimes go to another room to have a private conversation). I couldn’t figure out why he wanted me to go to the kitchen, but I went anyways.

He told me that sometimes the guys, who just showed up, use bad language. At the time, I didn’t know one single bad word in sign, so it wouldn’t have mattered because I wouldn’t have realized they were using profanity, but I thought to myself that it was sweet that Jex would want to warn me about it (Jex and my other friends knew I didn’t cuse or use bad language, even though I never had to tell them that). Then, he said, “I want you to know that I would never invite you to something where there is alcohol,” (he knew I didn’t drink and he knew I was worried there would be alcohol at the party) then he said, “I want you to be able to trust me and I want your parents to trust me, so don’t ever worry about me inviting you to someplace you don’t want to be.”

I was shocked. Jex, Day Day, and Kula are my only friends who have different beliefs and different boundaries than me, but still completely respect me and my beliefs and boundaries. I knew my Deaf friends drank on occasion and I knew they weren’t opposed to using bad language, but they never did either when I was around. Most of my friends who use profanity or tell dirty jokes or whatever, do it when I am there, but these friends were different. They gained a lot of respect from me because of this, too. I took a lot of comfort in what Jex said, and it really changed the way I viewed him, Day Day, Kula, and many of my other friends. I wish everyone held that kind of respect for one another.

Anyways, I thanked Jex for telling me about his friends and about trusting him, and we both joined the group again. We visited for a long time and watched some “America’s Next Top Model” with captions before I had to leave. Telling everyone “good bye,” I walked out to my old, dilapidated Nissan Maxima with Jex. I told him thank you again for inviting me and that I had a good time.

On my way home, I pondered all the new things I had learned, both about Deaf culture and my friends. This was definately the beginning of a new life for me–a new life that would lead me all the way to the center of the Deaf-World, Gallaudet University.

Jex, Me, Day Day, and Kula shopping in Shreveport in 2007

This is my story about my journey into the Deaf-World that I have come to love. In my last blog, I shared about how I became acquainted with the Deaf-World and learned sign language. I started learning ASL three years ago, but my education was limited to classroom learning only. As I said before, I have no Deaf family, so therefore no one to sign with me. In addition, although my mom and sister know a few signs, I was not able to practice with them either. The only Deaf I knew were my two ASL professors. I did not associate with Deaf people, partly because I did not know any Deaf and also because I was afraid to socialize with Deaf after my experience at the bowling party. I kept my promise to avoid Deaf events, and ultimately Deaf people, for two years. I was waiting until I became a proficient signer before I tried it again. However, I began to realize that the more sign I learned, the less proficient I became. In other words, I realized that I still had and still have SO much to learn. It was not until my ASL 4 class, that I began meeting other Deaf and hard-of-hearing at school, community events, and church. I did not have the gumption to meet these people on my own at first. I did not have any desire to go back to the Deaf-World, at least not yet; I do not know if I EVER would have had the courage to go back on my own volition, but, thankfully instead, I was rather catapulted into the Deaf-World. Here is how it happened:

Almost two years after I began attending TJC and taking American Sign Language classes, I arrived at school for my ASL 4 class. I was comfortable in my routine at this point. I had spent the last one and a half years with generally the same classmates, in the same rooms, with the same teachers, in the same seat. I knew what to expect. After struggling through the first two weeks of school, trying to remember how to “read” my professor’s signs because I had not been exposed to any signing for several months, I would do fine and could understand most anything they talked about.

I was looking forward to this semester because I had recently declared my major (interpreting) and now had a general idea of what I wanted to do for my career (although it WAS NOT interpreting. I know I am weird to major in something I did not want to do). At any rate, I walked assuredly into my classroom that first day expecting to begin my same routine that I had practiced since my senior year of high school.

To my surprise, however, I discovered that a Deaf/Hard-of-Hearing guy, Day Day, (he describes himself as 3/4 Deaf and 1/4 hard-of-hearing) had registered to take the same course. I had heard of him before. Some of my friends from ASL class knew him already and said he was really nice. But, when I met him myself, I felt scared to death. He signed too fast for me to understand him, and thus I knew I was doomed to despair. I knew I had failed in the past one and a half years to learn how to communicate in sign language. I felt so far behind. I knew there was still much to learn and I was beginning to freak out because I had one semester left to learn everything there was to know about ASL and Deaf culture. Those were extremely unrealistic expectations, but that is how I felt. Anyways, I felt that, after having studied ASL for almost two years, I should have been able to understand Deaf people, right? Not really.

I struggled through class, trying to get back into my routine despite the changes occurring in the classroom. My ASL professor was ecstatic to have a Deaf student in the class. She thought it would be helpful to the hearing students to have more exposure to other Deaf students. She even let him tell stories in class for practice. I was so thankful that our professor did not give us a grade for the quizzes we took after Day Day’s stories because I would have failed miserably.

Not that long into the semester, another Deaf guy, Jex (I’m just using their nicknames for now), peeped his head into the room to chat with Day Day. I had heard of this guy, too. The only difference was that none of my other classmates knew him personally because they were completely overwhelmed with his lightning-speed signing. They had all talked about him like little gossipping chicks, all gathered around in a tight circle whispering, “Did you hear about that guy…?” At any rate, my ASL teacher caught a glimpse of Jex standing by the door and her face immediately brightned. She convinced him to join the class for the day–well, okay, for the rest of the semester actually. Now, I was almost ready to give up. Two Deaf guys? I just knew this class would be the end of me.

To give you an idea of how little I understood Jex (since I’ve already told you how little I understood Day Day), I think it took me until about half-way through the semester when I finally understood Jex’s fingerspelling well enough to figure out his name. I also would have failed the quiz after his story too if my professor would have counted it. I felt defeated. However, I did not give up. I was determined to understand Day Day and Jex’s sign and to be able to communicate with them if it was the last thing I did on this earth.

I don’t know how it happened, but during the semester, another classmate and I began going to lunch with Jex on Thursdays after class. I remember the first time we decided to go out and eat, we decided to carpool since there was no sense in taking three cars down the street to Taco Bell. So, Jex offered to drive us in his truck. I already felt very daring because I had never ridden in a car with a guy before, let alone someone I did not know, so already my pulse was racing. However, I felt a little safer since another girl, who I knew fairly well, was going too. As we were walking to his truck, I kept wondering how Deaf people drive. I have to admit I was a little frightened that Deaf may not drive as well or as safely as hearing drivers. I kept wondering: Do they drive the same as hearing people? How can they drive without hearing? How do they talk and drive at the same time? How do they “listen” and drive at the same time without getting in a wreck? Each question increased my anxiety all the more. I felt quite stupid though after Jex started pulling out of the parking lot and driving down the road because it was only then that I realized that Deaf drive no differently than hearing. And why should they? The only necessity one needs to drive is the ability to see.

Later, my mom asked me those same questions I had asked myself that day when I was getting ready to leave on a road trip with some Deaf friends. I told her in a sort of isn’t-it-obvious kind of tone that they do not drive any different than hearing people. I think I should have shown a little more understanding and empathy since I had experienced the same perplexity not long before.

At any rate, going to lunch became an almost weekly event for the duration of the semester. Understanding Jex’s signing improved tremendously although there were still times that, after he would drop my friend and I off, we would both look at each other and ask what he had been talking about. I think this opportunity though, to actually get to know Jex, gave me the confidence I needed to be comfortable with other Deaf as well.

We also had a free lunch every Wednesday at TJC at the BSM. The Deaf students, Interpreting students, ASL students, and my ASL and Interpreting instructors had all laid claim (well, not LEGAL claim) to one entire row of tables in the far right corner of the dining hall (I think the students who did not know sign were a little deterred from sitting with us when they saw so many hands flying through the air). It was great! I got to know Day Day better and I met Kula and several other Deaf students as well. Slowly, I began gaining confidence that it is possible to learn ASL, but I knew it was not something I, or anyone else for that matter, could learn in a day. It is a process–a process I am still going through.

Every part of the Deaf-World was new to me. Driving with Deaf people, eating with Deaf people (can you imagine being perplexed at how a Deaf person can eat and sign at the same time? Well, that was me), celebrating birthdays with Deaf people (I had always wondered if they “sang” “Happy Birthday” or blew out candles), and even the simplest things like watching TV or movies with Deaf people (yes, I DID know about closed captioning, but I didn’t know about open captions or how Deaf watched movies at the movie theater), were all new experiences where I realized my total lack of knowledge about deafness and Deaf culture. I felt like a stupid hearing person trying to fit in where I didn’t belong. You know the type. I felt like I was the equivalent of a computer geek, high school boy trying to fit in with the jocks, or a nerdy teenage girl trying out for cheerleading. However, I was determined not to let my lack of knowledge prevent me from pursuing the very things I was falling in love with–Deaf culture, ASL, and Deaf people. I knew I still had much to learn and so many questions to ask but, with the help and patience of my Deaf friends, my questions about the Deaf-World were answered one by one.